Fix This - 6.15.25
Superb screenwriters aren’t just good storytellers—they're precise writers. Minor formatting issues and awkward phrasing can drag down the quality of an otherwise excellent script. Don’t let that happen to you.
Take a look at the excerpt below. What changes would make the writing better?
The first mistake is one we see surprisingly often… the writer has forgotten to put INT. or EXT. in the slugline. Always tell us if the scene takes place inside or outside the location.
That fix was easy! Let’s move on to bigger notes…
Were you momentarily confused when Marvin asked if they should split it? If you were, you’re not alone. The thing that makes his dialogue unclear is that we don’t know what “it” refers to. Is it the pizza? The wine? We don’t know until we’ve read further that they’re talking about the check. To avoid confusion, make sure that detail is clear before their dialogue starts.
The next change we would recommend making is streamlining the dialogue. In a film, scenes move at breakneck speed. Ideally, your dialogue will always be moving the scene forward. In this excerpt, there’s a break in the momentum when Guillaume asks if Marvin is serious. It’s like we’re swimming in a race and then we pause for a moment to tread water. We commonly see this in screenplays when Character A says something, Character B says, “What?”, and Character A repeats what they just said. The dialogue in this scene is basically doing the same thing, but it’s been disguised a little better.
Another way of putting it is that, “Are you serious?” and “It’s my birthday" are both ways of saying no. You don’t need the repetition.
Notice how the scene feels sharper when we cut out the unnecessary lines and go straight to Guillaume’s next line. We get the same information—which is that Guillaume does not think he should be paying for dinner—but we get there faster.
There’s another place to improve the dialogue in this scene. Did you find it?
We recommend cutting, “I know it’s expensive” from Guillaume’s line because it’s needlessly repetitive and a little awkward. “That’s why we shared the pizza” makes it clear Guillaume knows he chose an expensive restaurant without him having to explicitly state it.
One more change to go…
This is a little bit of a sneaky one, but Guillaume’s name is misspelled over his last line of dialogue. It’s easy to miss spelling mistakes like this because our eyes skim over them so fast when we proofread. Stay vigilant and make sure your character names are correct through your entire script. (An easy way to check this in Final Draft is to look at the Cast List and make sure the characters’ names are on there only once and are spelled correctly.)
Want to turn your movie idea into an excellent screenplay? Join our Screenwriting Essentials program. You'll learn everything you need to develop and write a professional-grade script.