Fix This - 9.29.24

When you’re writing a scene, clarity is your first objective. Before you can worry about style and voice, you have to be clear. 

Sometimes, we think a sentence is clear, but it can be read multiple ways. Don’t assume a reader will know what you mean. If there’s an opportunity to misunderstand, they’ll often take it. 

Can you identify three things that are potentially confusing in the scene below? 

The first source of potential confusion is Alex is a woman. Did you assume she was a man because of her name? We know people have gender neutral names in real life, but we strongly encourage you to avoid them in your screenplay. Even if you assumed Alex was a woman, plenty of readers won’t. Don’t risk the confusion!

In the new version, Alex has been changed to Alexa, which makes it easier for us to know she’s a female character. But there’s still a problem with the names.

Allie and Alexa start with the same letter and they’re the same length. When someone reads your script fast, it’s difficult to tell similar names apart and characters start to blend together. It’s much easier to understand your story if the characters have distinct names…

The scene is getting better, but there’s still more work to do. When Allie pulls the “dough” out of her purse, were you confused? Dough is slang for money, but the women are in a bakery so there’s a chance the reader interprets dough to mean… dough. To make things clearer, use a different word.

There’s one more thing that’s confusing in the scene. Can you spot it?

If you pointed to the last line, you’e correct.

Because both characters are women, it’s hard to know where Jasmine tosses the last bite. Is it on Jasmine’s plate or Allie’s? When you have multiple characters with the same gender in a scene, make sure it’s clear who is doing what.

For more advice on how to improve your writing, sign up for Screenwriting Essentials. We’ll teach you everything you need to know to write the script for a film audiences will love.