Fix This - 6.16.24

When someone reads your script, they can tell right away if you’re good at writing sentences.

Take a look at the script excerpt. Do you see one simple change that would make it better?

Our suggestion would be to change the part that says “a shocked expression on her face".

Why?

Because “on her face” is stating the obvious. Where else would an expression be? On her feet? On her elbow? On her t-shirt?

No!

An expression is always on someone’s face. Don’t tell the reader something they already know.

As a bonus, the new version ends on the word “shocked”, which gives the sentence more punch. It’s a much stronger ending than “on her face.”

Want to learn more?

Our online Screenwriting Essentials course has an entire lesson dedicated to teaching you to write stronger sentences that will impress your reader.