Fix This - 4.20.25

Whether you're shopping your script around or trying to fund your own project, you want to look like a pro. Simple mistakes and sloppy formatting can kill your credibility fast. Show them you’re serious. 

What changes would you make to this excerpt to give it a professional polish? 

This scene is already is pretty good shape, so the tweaks are small. Our first recommendation is to broaden the range for your characters’ ages. There’s rarely a need to specify an exact age, and doing so can feel a little arbitrary. Help casting efforts by giving a range instead of pinpointing precisely how old your characters are.

Next, “folded blueprint” runs the risk of being confusing because “folded” could be interpreted to mean “closed”. How can Jade study a closed blueprint? In this case, the writer probably meant the blueprint has folds in it, so “creased” would be a better word choice.

What else would you change?

Let’s take a hard look at Jade’s line, “I don’t want to go to jail. Orange isn’t my color.”

At their core, both sentences are saying the same thing—that Jade wants to avoid prison time. Instead of having her say the same thing twice, cut one. Of the two, “Orange isn’t my color” is the better line. By cutting the first part (the on-the-nose part), you make the dialogue punchier.

Last, but certainly not least, Jade slides a photograph across the table to Marcus. A photograph of what?!

When you leave things vague, it gives the reader a chance to fill in the blanks themselves. Sometimes they choose the thing you intended, sometimes they don’t. They could think the photo is of a watchdog or a truck driver or Jade’s dad or Santa Claus. Don’t leave room for misinterpretation. Make sure important details are clear.

There you go! A few easy changes make good writing better!

To learn more about how to take your script from pretty good to great, sign up for Screenwriting Essentials. We’ll teach you everything you need to know to write a stellar screenplay.