Fix This - 1.12.25

A lot of writers get very focused on writing "realistic dialogue." But great movie dialogue and "realistic dialogue" aren't always the same thing. Take a look at the excerpt below. It seems fairly realistic, but there are ways to improve it for a screenplay.

Can you identify things you would change?

The first thing we’d recommend is adding contractions to your dialogue (e.g. "he is” becomes “he’s”, “they will” becomes “they’ll”, etc.). This helps your lines sound more realistic and it’s better movie dialogue. A lot of us tend to be a bit more formal when we write than when we speak, so it’s always good to double check your dialogue.

Unless you’ve left them out as a specific choice about the way your character speaks, look for places to add contractions to your lines.

Once you’ve made that change, what’s next?

Here’s another thing you can check your screenplay for… “What?”

When you see a character say that, it’s often a neon sign pointing toward a place to improve your dialogue.

We know people repeat themselves in real life (but don’t forget what we said about realistic dialogue being different than movie dialogue).

We also know writers sometimes use this repetition for comedic effect.

In general, however, the line “What?” followed by repetition of the earlier dialogue eats up space in your script unnecessarily. Instead of repeating information the audience already knows, give us new information. (If you’ve ever watched SUITS, you’ll see the characters do this all the time.) It keeps the story moving forward and saves space in your draft.

In this excerpt, you can cut, “Your son’s in critical condition” and “What’s going on?”.

Look at all that space you saved!

One more change to go…

There’s more unnecessary repetition at the bottom of this scene. Don’t tell your reader the exact same thing in the scene description and the dialogue. “She sobs in disbelief” and “I can’t believe this!” are repetitive.

Actually, “Julia can’t hold back her tears” and “She sobs…” are also repetitive.

Our recommendation is to streamline the writing so you only give us the information once. One way to do this would be to cut the scene description and keep Julia’s line, “I can’t believe this!”

Sometimes, however, the best thing you can do for your dialogue is get rid of it. Emotion often lands better when you give an actor something to do instead of something to say…

Voilà! With just a few changes, the dialogue in this scene is much improved. For more insight on how to write truly excellent dialogue, sign up for our self-paced screenwriting course, Screenwriting Essentials. We devote an entire lesson to developing your characters’ voices and writing superb lines for your actors.